Ever since the night we kiss and held hands, I thought about that moment every damn day since then! It sucks because now that I know what it feels like to kiss him thats all i want to do now. The times when it feels like we could kiss, then someone walks in or someones just there so we can’t. I think the feeling of knowing what it feels like to be with him and then not being able to kiss him and hold his hand every day sucks more than not know and just wanting it to happen
I don’t want to die or kill myself. I just don’t wanna live right now. I wish I could just go to sleep and like wake up 10 years down the road and want I’m doing, like I’ve been awake the hole time.
My life suck ass right now
I have no friends. My mom tried to kill herself. He doesn’t even like me anymore we don’t even act like friends. My brother think I party all the time and have sex with like every one I see. I have to family around. No one to talk to.I feel lonely… sad… scared… for no reason. I feel pretty fucked up. All I wanna do all day is cry and sleep. I don’t wanna talk to anyone but the one person that doesn’t want to talk to me.
I think I need a concealer… I have to much to say any I feel like a can’t tell people I know. I don’t want them holding it against me.
I can’t believe my mom would try and do something like that. My life is never going to be the same. I don’t want to leave Jonathan, Kayleigh, Tika, and Chelsey. They have changed my life. Every day I fall a little bit more in love with Jonathan. I know he’s not perfect but who is? I guess I can tell him now because I’m leaving so it wouldn’t matter if he did or didn’t like me back…
My family’s falling apart and I don’t know what to do. Nothing gets through to Jonathan, He’s still hanging out with those bad kids. while I’m sitting here worrying about if I’m about to move back to Nebraska or not. I don’t care if I did I just want my mom and I to be happy. and I know my mom’s not happy. It kills me to see her sad. She doesn’t deserve to be like this.
All I have to do is wait a little longer untill I get to see him. Although the first thing I have to do is talk to Taylor and Kayleigh before I tell him every or any thing thats been on my mind. I still keep thinking if I go through with this or not I mean I love him I really do but I I’m so afraid of everything just blowing up in my face. plus i don’t really like the fact the he smokes and goes out every single night and drinks and party. I think the part that bothers me the most about the partying is that he parties with about of bitches and yes that makes me jealous. Yes i really do with that was me with him but I don’t wanna drink and smoke weed like he does. I actually just wish I could be down with high school and down in LA , because I really want to be with him I’m just afraid that it won’t work and the having to see him and Christmases and Birthdays knowing I loved him and it didn’t work out or havong him at my future wedding think oh this could have been him. I know we could be friends if it didn’t work out because we did it before. All this thinking about him is driving me crazy but i can’t get him off my mind…
If that Bitch thinks she’s going to take over MY room while I’m go, she has another thing coming! If I go home and her shits in there, she going to have 3 fucking second to get it out before i go cray cray on her ass. And if John think he’s going to try and tell me what to do or even THINK of telling me to calm down I WILL flip the fuck out on him and every body. I am so sick and tired of fucking taking everyones SHIT! I feel like I’m about to go insane at like any second! Oh boy if she tells me no… it will be world was 3 in that fucking house. I don’t care if she’s the oldest or her fucking daddy pays the rent, I will take that room and I will beat the shit out of her to get it. If we have to share the room, it going to be rearanged MY way. I deserve that room. I’m the one been there since I’ve gotten there and everyone else(besides faggot Jonah but he doesn’t count) has move in and out and in and out but not me I’ve never moved out. I’ve had to put up with everyone bullshit. Now it’s my turn to get what I want … and I will no matter what it takes!
I can control this feelings. I keep falling deeper and deeper in love with him. I need him so bad right now. It’s killing me that I’m not with him. I need to talk to Taylor and Kayleigh asap! they can tell me what’s right.